By Kelsey Brasil
What is your heart saying…

It’s me dear,
the roaring voice deep in you
giving you permission to
glow, shine, illuminate
You are radiant.

 

It’s me dear, 
the companion holding your hand
giving you support to
readjust, reevaluate, recreate
You are sure footed.

 

It’s me dear,
the warm embrace in your chest
giving you comfort to
crumble, ruin, crash
You are resilient.

 

It’s me dear,
the sharp reminder in your core
giving you bravery to
love, love, love
You are daring.

 

It’s me dear,
the friend in aloneness
giving you affirmation to
heal, repair, grow
You are enough.

 

It’s me dear,
the gentle whisper
giving you reason to
inhale, exhale, breathe
You are here.

 

It’s me dear,
Rihanna Redbull.
 
My heart is loud, fiery and super devoted to me lately.  The yoga teacher training is inviting me to explore myself, I’ve always been a self help/ self improvement junkie, but this is a completely different journey. 
Here is the normal series of actions that happen when Kels ultimately realizes she needs to improve..

 

  1. Something happens where I recognize that I should have handled an event in my life differently
  2. I google “App to help with ____” or “Ways to help someone _____” or “How to better _____”
  3. I find a resource to obsess over (i.e. Myers Briggs Personality Types, Self-Compassion by Kristen Neff, Calm the meditation app)
  4. I work diligently on improving this skill, or foster a new attitude towards something, or behaving a certain a way to make the most amount of people happy 
  5. Continue to live until the next event happens 
  6. Repeat 
I’m not implying that this hasn’t been an effective strategy, but the trend is that all my moments for self improvement were rooted in the following :

 

  • Living up to someone else’s ideals of who I should be, 
  • Alleviating pain for someone else without considering my own needs, or
  • Seeking solutions in myself so I could avoid counting on people I knew wouldn’t step up.
I am an altruistic person by nature, so this type of “leave it up to me, I’ll fix it” proactive mentality has always been automatic to me.  Although helping people is an essential element to my happiness, I’ve learned that it is unsustainable to sacrifice my needs in order to meet the needs of others.  Of course, saying this out loud, it seems like an obvious thing, but we can be sneaky humans sometimes.  We are really good at convincing ourselves that we are okay as long as the people we care about are okay. 

 

And I don’t want to say that reading Self-Compassion wasn’t beneficial to me and my development, it was an incredibly helpful read, and I use the tools regularly.  I’m trying to highlight that my intentions that initiated these steps towards improvement and growth were a bit tainted.  

 

Yoga is really instilling the principle of intention in my life. Why am I coming to my matr>? Why am I signing on to social media right now? Why am I trying to learn about self-compassion? 

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There is a big difference between committing to being self-compassionate because it is a healthy tool for positive self talk, and wanting to talk kindly to myself while I rest in an uncomfortable relationship, convincing myself I’m ok. 

 

See what I’m getting at?

 

We need to be clear as to WHY we want to improve, what is your intention?

 

Yoga is teaching me about leading a life where I am gaining control of the mind, I am thinking about the WHY in everything I do.

 

When you start this honest journey, this amazing union happens within you… where your mind, heart, and your actions all reflect each other. Suddenly, you have the support of this loud, fiery, warrior that I believe is deep in all of us.  As a woman, discovering this warrior is like discovering for the first time that you can do what you want without permission.

 

It is much more sustainable to help the ones around you when you are aligned like this.  When your inner warrior is shining through all the past cracks, scars, and imperfections you might have.

 

My inner warrior’s name is Rhianna Redbull, and she is a sexy, sassy, and resilient gal.  She goes after what she wants, she appreciates the beauty in the things around her, and she invites love in, she loves fearlessly and ferociously.  She takes care of the people that show up for her, and she extends a helping hand without losing her own footing.  

 

Who is your inner warrior?
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